Letter Love?
by leahuk
Summary: Sasuke and his team have been captured and are in Konoha's top security jail, Everything is fine until Sakura starts receiving letters from Suigetsu and Jugo about Sasuke...What's up with him and will Sakura help?
1. Letter 1 Questions

**After numerous messages asking for more funny stuff i've come up with this, hope you like**

**Sasuke is mentioned but the true pairing doesn't come in for a while...Never fear though!!**

**I'm also making 2 more letter stories with the pairings Sakura and Suigetsu and Sakura and Jugo, although i don't know if they will be romance/sexual based**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto etc etc etc  
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Dear Sakura-Sama

I apologize for any inconvenience this letter may cause but I over the past few weeks myself and Suigetsu have noticed Sasuke-Sama acting strangely.

I have made a small list to further my point:

_1. He makes weird strangled noises in his sleep _

_2. When he awakens he sits in the corner by himself and refuses to let either of us near him for about 20 minutes _

_3. Whenever a female guard shows up he fidgets with his pants _

_ 4. He smells funny at times...Sort of salty like _

_5. He sweats alot more now even though we're stuck in a cell_

As a medical ninja could you perhaps shed some light onto this situation? Karin keeps suggesting that she be let into our cell but I doubt that is a good idea.

Thank you

Jugo

P.S - Suigetsu says "Hey princess" and sends a wink wink???

Sasuke doesn't send anything, he's sat in the corner

P.S.S - Could you possibly send some air freshner or ask the guards to make a window? The smell is...kinda bad!

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**That's the first letter done...how will Sakura react?**


	2. Letter 2 Sakura's Reply

**Thought I'd get Sakura's reply done tonight...The other letter/chapters will be longer**

**Enjoy!**

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**Letter 2**

Dear Jugo and Suigetsu

Are you serious?

Are you totally and utterly serious?

You're writing me this and expect me to take this serious!?!

You expect me to believe that Sasuke is sat in your cell doing all the things you "pointed out"

How old are you all again!?!

Would you like to know what I did this morning?

I woke up at 5am

I spent the first 3 hours of my day trying to figure out where one of my patients kidney had gone (it was there before!)

I got glomped by Naruto 13 times (Count them...13) Asking if I wanted Ramen!

Some asshole threw up on my shoe

And Lady Tsunade ate my lunch!

***Cries***

But seeing as it is my job to take care of ninja's health I will be sending one of my male nurses down to take notes

After that I will decide what the best course of action will be...*Evil laugh*

_Sakura_

P.S - I have included a small doodle for you to give to Suigetsu regarding his Princess and wink wink comments from the previous letter


	3. Letter 3 Arse kissing Suigetsu

I know this story sucks...I'll try to wrap it up soon, I would just abandon it but I hate doing that, I'd rather see it through and then forget about it

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**Letter 3**

_Hey Princess,_

_ Can I just ask why you decided to send a vet down!?!_

_ Jeeez...I knew you might've been pissed but come on, we're the ones that get stuck with a pissy Sasuke! _

_Who now smells like wet dog thanks to your "Colleague"_

_ Who by the way has just discovered he has hormones! _

**_Raging hormones! _**

_Jugo wasn't lying in his last letter he's just too stupid and pathetic to explain it properly_

_ I bet you look lovely today, all pretty and pink and soft! _

_ Help us out pinky, we can't even distance ourselves from him...Being chained to the wall an all _

_And waking up to "wet dream" smell isn't my idea of a good morning _

_Maybe you could come down and explain things to him...I'll gladly help you if you need a male model to demonstrate on _

_*Wink wink* _

_ I'm not saying you need to bone the guy or anything!_

_ Just...I don't know, calm him down so me and Jugo can rot in this luxury cell without wanting to vomit because the smell of week old spunk keeps invading our system! _

_ Think about it? _

_Did I mention we think you're wonderful?_

_ Yours someday if you play your cards right _

_Suigetsu _

_And _

_Jugo (I guess even though I'm the one kissing ass...which I like very much by the way)_

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_**If you have any ideas how i could rescue this message me...I'll try to make my next story better hahahaha!**  
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	4. Letter 4 Sakura's instructions

**A few people are actually liking this so i won't abandon it, only a few more left to go...Hopefully there'll be better**

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**Letter 4  
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_Dear Chomps!_

_ I caught on to what Jugo was implying in his letter Which is why I sent the vet, seemed more appropriate seeing as you're all nothing but animals!_

_ I'm choosing to take what you said about me as a compliment although what I look or feel like isn't your concern _

_Sounds like Sasuke isn't the only one whose hormones have decided to awaken ne Su-Su? _

_ "Bone" who uses that word anymore!?! I swear Suigetsu sometimes...ARGH! _

_Maybe I should let karin loose in your cell, Would take your minds off the smell at least, _

_What with all the squealing and squishy noises there will be _

_ Urgh...I've made myself feel a little sick thinking about that _

_ I guess I could come down and explain a few rules to him, but I'm warning you Suigetsu, one snippy comment or misplaced hand... _

_That's your only warning!_

_ I'll be down tomorrow morning _

_**(Please pass this letter to Jugo now) **_

_ Hello Jugo, _

_Hope you are well, Lady Tsunade has informed me that we are going to try a different approach to your curse seal problem thingy _

_We're going to re-route some nerve channels in your brain so that when you get the "Urge" instead of killing someone you'll do something more...Non-killing  
_

_ I'm not sure what, how do you feel about suddenly bursting into song or dance? _

_Have a think and we'll talk more tomorrow when I come to put a leash on Uchiha _

_**(Please pass this letter to Sasuke) **_

_Hello Sasuke, _

_ I'll put this so that you can understand clearly_

_ Hn,_

_ Hn, hn,_

_ Hn, hn Ah,_

_ Hn, _

_Hn Hn_

_ Ah,_

_ Ah, Hn Grunt_

_Grunt grunt_

_ Hn_

_ Ok then, now that everyone has been updated I'll wrap this up. _

_ Toodles! _

_Sakura_

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Right...I'm off to bed now...Night all!  
_


	5. Letter 5 What Happened?

Well people seem to like this, I'm amazed as I didn't have much faith in it, But as long as it's wanted i'll continue to write it

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**Letter 5**

_Hey hey my favorite little pink petal! _

_ First of all may I compliment you on the BEAUTIFUL shiner you've given Sasuke_

_ It's a work of art!_

_ I knew there was a reason I liked you_

_ Beauty, Brains, Attitude, Brute strength, Sense of humor...But now, oh Sakura now I think I'm in love! _

_ You not only stood up to Sasuke, but punched the living shit out of him! _

_We heard the yelling and screaming and I'll be honest, I thought you had given in and were just being kinky _

_(Hey a guy can dream can't he? You know you love it!) _

_But when we saw the door go sailing past our cell we knew...oh we knew!_

_ Makes my skin tingle just thinking about it _

_So? Can I be so bold as to enquire what happened? _

_Sasuke has been sulking in the corner for 2 days now, I swear we'd get more info out of the wall _

_Ha! _

_Come on...Just a few details! Just to quench my thirst! _

_Oh, while I remember, Jugo has a question or two about the choices you gave him, he wants to know if there is anything else you could make him do as he's about as vocal as a rock and as graceful as a fat man in a pair of Speedo's running a marathon _

_(His words not mine!) _

_He wanted to talk to you when you came down, but thought it might be a bad time seeing as you left via the hole in the wall you made _

_Also, you got anything to shut Karin up? She's been muttering about how she's going to get back at you for harming her "Sasuke" although the worst she can do is insult you with her face ha ha ha!! _

_Well I guess I better let you get back to work blah blah blah!_

_ Maybe you could come down and visit me ne? _

_Think I'm due for a check up _

_Sasuke sends his love _

_See you soon feisty!_

_Suigetsu_

_P.S - Sasuke has an additional note for you_

**HN!...Bitch!**

_^^^ - Wow, such a talkative fella isn't he! Heh heh heh!_

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**Thankies to:**

**itachimeri1989**

**SammywithSwagger  
**

**LadyXKyasurin**

**nightwish635**

**animeluv-chan**

**Love you all! thanks for the reviews! 3  
**


	6. Letter 6 No Info Available

This chapter is a little shorter than the rest, try and see if you can spot what sneaky idea I've wound into this letter (it's pretty obvious really)

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**Letter 6**

_Suigetsu, _

_ You really need to learn to curb that inquisitive mind of yours sometimes_

_ For I shall not release any information_

_ Just let that stuck up, self-centered, big headed, ego obsessed, head up his arse bastard know that if he EVER tries to do anything remotely close to what happened in that examination room, I'll personally make sure he has to eat his meals through a straw!! _

_ Thank you for the compliments...Even though I don't have to guess that there's some sort of dirty message behind them_

_ Ne su-su? _

_If you want a check up so badly I'll gladly give you one, although a can't guarantee you'll come out smiling...or with all your limbs _

_Still fancy it? Gimme a bell if you do, I could use those abs of yours to do some laundry at the same time_

_Heh heh heh!  
_

_ Tell Jugo that we'll have to do more tests to determine if we can do anything more...Simple when it comes to the curse mark _

_Maybe we can give him an eye twitch, although constantly winking at people will have it's draw backs too eventually _

_Hopefully you haven't eaten the mouldy apple I sent with this letter, it's for you to jam into Karin's mouth _

_Stupid pig should learn not to be so vocal sometimes...Urgh, annoying! _

_Now if you'll excuse me, some of us have work to do and patients to see _

_I'll be down soon to talk to Jugo sometimes over the next few days _

_Your favourite little nurse _

_ Sakura_

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**Thank you again for all the reviews...Love you all**

**If you have any ideas, as usual just message me :)  
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	7. Letter 7 Sasuke's First Words

There's something you'll notice soon, Sasuke's letter will tend to be shorter than everyone else's...Just to give you a heads up

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**Sakura, **

**What the hell!?! **

**Su-Su? **

**When did you give Suigetsu a nickname? **

**Why have you given him a nickname? **

** Eat my meals through a straw? **

**Are you threatening me? **

**You're angry at me for what YOU started in the medical examination, maybe if you weren't so useless it wouldn't have happened!**

** Maybe the Hokage should've picked someone more competent to train instead of wasting her time on a fangirl **

**Who flashes! Seriously who wears a dress when doing an examination, and what was the point in pretending to be writing down medical notes on a clipboard**

**Bet you were just giving me points on my body to brag to your friends afterwards**

**Hn  
**

**You're still just as annoying as ever**

** Sasuke**

_p.s - Thanks for the apple pinky, Jugo and I appreciate it ;p_

_Don't worry about pissy pants Sasuke, his head disappeared up his arse sometime last night_

_Think he was angry at your last letter, I would ask about what our 'great' (pain in the neck) leader meant by the flashing comment, but I'll be a good little boy and keep quiet_

_Jugo says winking is fine, better than belting out the sound of music randomly ha ha!_

_Your Prince charming _

_Su Su_

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_Sorry this chapter sucks...Can't imagine what Sasuke would write in a letter, hopefully it'll get better :p

Love you all!


	8. Letter 8 Rant Away!

2 letters this time round! Hope you enjoy! I'm thinking of ending it soon so if there is anything you wanna read let me know soon!

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**Letter 8**

_Dear Mr I have my head up my arse Uchiha!_

_ You seriously need a reality check mister! _

_What I started in the medical room? _

_No no no...I do not think so_

_ Let me point a few things out to you:_

_ 1. The Dress I was wearing is called a nurse's UNIFORM! I have to wear it when working in the hospital _

_2. None of my flesh would have been exposed if your hand hadn't shot up my thigh to grope my bum causing me to jump in fright and snag the bottom of my dress upon the corner of the bed and therefore exposing myself _

_3. The above mentioned incident does not give you the right to then try and pin me against the wall and latch your cold slimy lifeless lips onto mine - Seriously who taught you to kiss!? **You suck at it!** _

_ 4. I'm not a fangirl, which is the exact reason I was appointed your nurse, I'm the only person who doesn't want you! _

_5. If you ever, and I mean EVER grind yourself against me again like the sick dog you are, I will make it my personal mission to make sure you never EVER manage to reproduce, I mean Ick! What made you think that dry humping me like a rabbit on speed would get me to sleep with you!?! _

_6. If I'm so annoying and useless then why did you try and "sweet talk" me into giving you a blowjob? _

_ 7. Talking of the above -  
_

_ **"While you're down there"**_

**_ "There's a cherry popping party going on in my pants" _**

_And_

_ **"I've got a special kind of thermometer of my own you can stick in your mouth"** _

_Isn't going to get you anything but another black eye!_

_While I'm ranting...What business of it is yours who I decide to give a nickname to? _

_Maybe I like Suigetsu...Maybe he doesn't try and molest me like a certain pig headed inflated ego loving bastard I could mention! _

_ Oh and one more thing **SasGay**! _

_**Hn...You're a twat!** _

_Sakura! _

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_Dear Suigetsu and Jugo _

_ Sorry for the delay in replying to your message, I was busy wasting my time and energy telling Sasuke what a prick he is _

_ Glad the apple came in good use, Wasn't sure if it was big enough Was going to send a brick but why give the bitch something to throw at me ne? _

_As requested in your first letter I've sent down some air fresheners for you_

_ I've included _

_Piney fresh _

_ Lemon zest _

_Orange surprise (The surprise is that it smells nothing like orange)_

_ Mango Juices _

_ And Moist Strawberry (Sounds so wrong!) _

_Stick or hang them as you please...Maybe you could stick one up Sasuke's nose? The smell of his own bullshit must be getting to him by now_

_ I'll be down to see you two soon, Lady Tsunade wants a word _

_Cheerio dearies! _

_Sakura_

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_Update soon...Hope you enjoy, the end is near! And soon all that happened in the medical room shall be revelaed!

But will love blossom?

I haven't decided yet!

^_^


	9. Letter 9 All out War?

Here's the latest update, the last few will be between Sasuke and Sakura

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**Letter 9**

Hey Pinky,

Please excuse this being written on fabric rather than paper

Sasuke has confiscated all the paper and has been writing and re-writing a bitchy reply to you for 3 days now!  
What did you say to him!?!

You're fast becoming my hero as well as a pain in my rump!

You don't have to put up with his mood swings, although it is funny that Karin seems to get the worst of it, yesterday she tried wooing him over to her side of the bars for "comforting" and he told her he'd rather eat dirt

Ha!

Why haven't you been down to visit us then eh? Thought you were coming down, yet we have not seen a single rosette hair

Jugo needs medical attention, he's somehow injured his hand (I think he's faking it though, humph!)

Any details you wish you to share you know I'm always here

Your favourite jail hunk

Suigetsu

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**Dear Little miss I have stupid hair and think I'm brilliant**

**Some pointers for you:**

**1. If it doesn't cover your thighs...it's not a dress!**

**2. I didn't "grope" you...It was...A hand reflex**

**3. I fell and due to your short height I just happened to land on your stupid plump lips and I didn't kiss you, I was trying to speak**

**4. You are a fangirl, just admit it, you love me!**

**5. Dry hump you!?! No thanks, I was trying to move away from you but...The button on my pants got caught on your dress!**

**6. You must've hit your head and imagined what you thought I said...**

**If you didn't want me, answer these questions:**

**1. Why were you batting your eyes at me**

**2. Why did I have to take my shirt off for you to test the reflexes in my knees!**

**3. Why did you wrap your arms round my neck when I fell on you!**

**4. Why did you blush...Hmmm!?!  
**

**HN!...Fangirl!**

**Sasuke!**

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Oi Bitch!

Keep your hands off my Sasuke!

I heard what you did to him in the medical room!

He clearly doesn't want you so back off!

He only has eyes for me, so get used to it you freak!

You're just jealous! Admit it!

Sasuke has me now!

Me and only me, it's all he needs, not some silly little whore in a nurse's outfit

How desperate are you anyway

We were made for each other, we complete each other, you haven't got a chance!

The future Mrs Karin Uchiha!

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I just had to add Karin's little rant ha ha ha!

Hope you enjoy

Love to you all!


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